Am I really tolerant?

I’m ashamed to say that I took a good look at myself after watching this video and saw a whole lot of change that can take place inside of me to learn what acceptance of another/tolerance really is. The thoughts are in my head, swirling around like any other belief, they are there, about how I want to change this or that in this or that person. What a rude awakening-for me. The TED talk is a little over 20 minute for anyone interested.

About The Persecution of Mildred Dunlap

The year 1895 was filled with memorable historical events: the Dreyfus Affair divided France; Booker T. Washington gave his Atlanta address; Richard Olney, United States Secretary of State, expanded the effects of the Monroe Doctrine in settling a boundary dispute between the United Kingdom and Venezuela; and Oscar Wilde was tried and convicted for "gross indecency" under Britian's recently passed law that made sex between males a criminal offense. When the news of Wilde's conviction went out over telegraphs worldwide, it threw a small Nevada town into chaos. This is the story of what happened when the lives of its citizens were impacted by the news of Oscar Wildes' imprisonment. It is chronicle of hatred and prejudice with all its unintended and devastating consequences, and how love and friendship bring strength and healing. Paulette Mahurin, the author, is a Nurse Practitioner who lives in Ojai, California with her husband Terry and their two dogs--- Max and Bella. She practices women's health in a rural clinic and writes in her spare time. All profits from her book are going to animal rescue, Santa Paula Animal Shelter, the first and only no-kill shelter in Ventura County, CA, where she lives. (see links below on Ventura County Star Article & Shelter) To find out more please go the The Persecution of Mildred Dunlap on facebook or Amazon or e-mail us at the gavatar addresses. Thank you. (photos: of Paulette, her family, and a reading at The Ojai Art Center, July 2012)
This entry was posted in PERSONAL POSTS, TOLERANCE. Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to Am I really tolerant?

  1. tazzielove says:

    Excellent presentation on acceptance.

  2. Since I have to sign in on the other site to comment, I will leave them here. He is an empassioned speaker. I sometimes think the line of acceptance and unconditional love of people are confused with acceptance and unconditional love of that human’s behavior. I find many people think one reflects the need for the other. I will always accept all men. I love all men as God loves them and tells me to do. Having said that, it doesn’t mean I have to accept one’s behavior. I can still love them without accepting and loving their behavior. And that rule applies to me and my behavior as well. Even if the world just loved others even in the face of their behavior, the world would get along so much better. We tend to walk around as judges of the earth. And the earth isn’t ours. It is God’s. And we need to love all Creation as well. We do that by loving and having awe of it’s Creator.

    • Thank you, Yisraela. It would be ridiculous to even think that one “should” accept something that they find smacks in the face of their beliefs of how things should be, but the point you raise about loving kindness, and earlier embracing differences, that’s what I feel is important. It isn’t tolerance if I try to get you to change your belief to embrace another, it isn’t acceptance if I try to change anything fundamentally about you, but the same is true on the other hand with those that have a same sex preference or that are different than me. Acceptance and tolerance now is seen as I accept them as they are, as-is. Whether I like a behavior or not is not the point, as you brought out. Personally I have no issue with same sex relationships, I do however have issues with other things us humans manifest, that I’d like to change, but that’s a little digression.

      I’m now looking at my insides from a whole new perspective, watching when things surface in me about wanting to change someone, including their behavior. Why is that my job? My job as a human being is to see things with better clarity and accept them as they are, and not deem them good or bad because of a belief I have or what anyone else says I should feel about them, but just see another human being for what they are, and that can be different, usually is, than me.

      P.S. I’m not talking about harmful actions, breaking the law, hurting another but rather the nature of another human being, just to clarity.

  3. I cried, and I can’t even explain why. Thank you Paulette.

    • It really speaks to something very deep, especially when it’s talking of a mother-child relationship. We all struggle with meeting another we wish we could change, whether it out of belief, preference, conditioning, who knows. And, that’s a struggle. But when it’s our child, our blood, that which came from us, is made of us, then it runs very deep. In this connection, this bond, I saw acceptance and tolerance from a whole different perspective, the struggle, pain, and beauty of it all. Not trying to explain why you had tears, but what moved me to mine. Very glad to share this with you, Colleen.

  4. gita4elamats says:

    Gives another layer/dimension, doesn’t it?! 🙂

  5. ladysighs says:

    Listened to it all and a lot to think about.
    I am envious of anyone who is completely comfortable with who they are. They are themselves in any situation. The speaker seems to be one of those people.

    I feel myself to be very compartmentalized. Never the same with different friends or family members. I suppose many or maybe a few of us might give a shock to our friends or relatives if we told all. lol
    Will the real Meme please stand up. lol

    I have never liked the word tolerant. I like the word acceptance much more.

    • Lot of wisdom and honesty with what you wrote. I don’t know anyone that is comfortable all the time with who they are, especially in the face of hostility or abuse, or being misjudged, people that don’t easily make one feel comfortable, that really challenge ones identity. I certainly am in the same boat with you. I’ve struggled with social awkwardness a good portion of my life but people seemed really surprised, thinking me very outgoing and comfortable, not from my insides. Not kidding or just saying that. Growing up with a brother with mental illness complicates things all the more.

      What you wrote reminded me of something I once read that Timothy Leary said in response to the question, “Who are you?” to which he responded, a different person depending on who’s asking. I am that as well, very different with my husband than a cousin, friend, patient I’m working with, etc.

      I like to the acceptance much better, although the word tolerance didn’t bother me. I learned something wonderfully new about acceptance by listening to this man’s talk. And, boy is it shaking up my insides, lol.

      • ladysighs says:

        I like that TED site. I just recently learned about it. I have listened to some wonderful talks and ideas.

        I suppose none of us are unique in being different people in different situations. We may just feel that way. But sometimes it would be nice to share something with somebody and not feel like they would gasp and sputter OR maybe never talk to you again. lol

      • You can try me on that last one, any time you want. I’m not easily frazzled and am always up for a good friendship challenge. I mean it, my friend. But, I know what you mean – our crazy monkey minds tend to take things so seriously. What I especially love about your sites (& you) is the levity to which you bring things, serious and all. I grew up with a father (born in England with very silly English humor) who taught me the great value of laughter and not taking ourselves too seriously. It seems you do understand that very well. Life’s way too short…

  6. natuurfreak says:

    He’s a very good speaker

  7. Alison says:

    Thank you for directing me to this lovely man and his wonderful talk about the boundless nature of love.

    • I love this guy and his message. It made me sad, and also felt so good to see someone like him talk so openly with humor and grace. Sad because I saw my insides and how many times I’ve tried to change someone. I listened to this and couldn’t stop thinking about it and after a while went to my husband and apologized for all the times I didn’t accept him for who he was. Boy did he appreciate that. Doesn’t mean things won’t surface in me, but… I’m hoping that from now on, I watch them and don’t act out on them in an non-accepting way to another human being. It’s a whole new level of humility for me, if I dare to even label myself as being humble at all, lol.

      Love you guys,

  8. seeker says:

    I still have yet to watch this. I’m sure it’s good due to your taste on reblogs. I’ll save it for later. Thanks for the heads up.

  9. gita4elamats says:

    Reblogged this on ELANA – The Voice of the Future and commented:
    Provocative! More people should be challenged with this post. 🙂

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