Asexual woman, 35, on how she never has, and never will, have sex
- Julie Sondra Decker from Florida, started describing herself as ‘nonsexual’ at the age of 15
- The blonde says that she’s had more offers of sex than she ‘wants to count’
- But, ‘without the feelings that usually go with that sort of thing, it’s kind of gross’
A 35-year-old woman has told how she has never felt sexually attracted to men or women.
Julie Sondra Decker from Tampa, Florida, revealed to MailOnline that she started describing herself as ‘nonsexual’ at the age of 15 and when she became aware of the term ‘asexual’, she changed it.
The outgoing blonde says that she’s had more offers of sex than she ‘wants to count’ over the years but, ‘without the feelings that usually go with that sort of thing, it’s kind of gross.’
Happy being single: Julie Sondra Decker, from Tampa, Florida, revealed to MailOnline that she started describing herself as ‘asexual’ at the age of 15 and has never been attracted to men or women
The writer, who lives alone in a two-bedroom apartment, states that she is not interested in dating or pursuing a domestic partner.
‘I have very close friendships but don’t want a significant other. I don’t want to find another asexual to be roommates with.
‘As far as I can tell I’ll be happy being single my whole life.’
In a YouTube video, Miss Decker says that as a young teenager she kissed and cuddled both boys and girls.
‘We are perceived as not being fully human because sexual relationships are seen as something alive people do’
But she concluded: ‘I never found anything that floated my boat.’
She says that her family were convinced that she was a ‘closet lesbian’.
Before she went to college her mother even took her to the doctors because she wasn’t expressing ‘normal’ interest in the opposite sex.
Given the all-clear she carried on with her studies, graduating from the University of Florida in 2000 with a degree in elementary education and psychology.
She said despite there being more awareness about asexuality today, it still remains largely misunderstood.
She’s had male friends try and ‘fix’ her by kissing her against her will and many insist that she will ‘wake up one day’.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE ASEXUAL?
An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction.
Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are.
Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people.
There is considerable diversity among the asexual community; each asexual person experiences things like relationships, attraction, and arousal somewhat differently.
Asexuality is just beginning to be the subject of scientific research.
Since opening up about being asexual on the internet, via YouTube and her blog, Miss Decker says that she’s received death threats and been told by several commentators that she just needs a ‘good raping.’
‘When people hear that you’re asexual, some take that as a challenge,’ she told the Huffington Post.
‘We are perceived as not being fully human because sexual attraction and sexual relationships are seen as something alive, healthy people do.
‘They think that you really want sex but just don’t know it yet. For people who perform corrective rape, they believe that they’re just waking us up and that we’ll thank them for it later.’
Miss Decker says that asexuality presents itself in many forms. Some people, while lacking sexual attraction to any gender, may engage in purely romantic relationships.
However, she defines herself as ‘aromantic’, meaning she does not have any romantic feelings either.
Professor Bogaert, an associate professor at Brock University in Ontario, Canada, suggests in his book Understanding Asexuality, that around one per cent of the world’s population – 70million people – are ‘asexual.
He believes that this demographic are ‘under-studied’ and that they can feel excluded from our ‘very sexualised culture’.
Experts say a certain number of asexuals may have always existed but are only now starting to ‘come out’ as society becomes more liberal.
To her ‘haters’, Miss Decker concludes: ‘I’m not damaged, lonely or in need of a conversion because I’m not interested [in sex].’
She hopes to raise awareness about asexuality through her writing and public speaking.
‘[I want] people who feel similarly to know they’re not alone.’